01 02 03 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: When your milkshake doesn't bring the boys to the yard fast enough. 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

When your milkshake doesn't bring the boys to the yard fast enough.

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Never though I'd see the day where I talked about boobs on this here blog of mine, but it's come to this. 
See this perfect baby of mine? (I can't believe how big she is getting omg.)


Well she happens to be the most impatient little terd ever when it comes to eating. Ever since day one in the hospital, she decided when she was hungry, the food better be there and fast. Otherwise she would make you rethink ever having any other babies in the future.
Seriously, after two days of breastfeeding she would either fall asleep instantaneously at the boob, or she would scream and holler because she wasn't getting milk fast enough. Enter the breast pump.


The best invention ever which also happens to be the worst invention ever.
Mila took to a bottle like a pro. No more screaming and making me feel like the worst mom ever because my milkshake didn't bring all the boys to the yard fast enough for her. She was finally happy and getting that instant gratification of a full belly. I tried breastfeeding several times a day after that first bottle and she hated it. When your baby doesn't want your boobs, it makes you feel horrible. Like a total failure and I wanted to cry every time she didn't take to breastfeeding. Pumping seemed so much easier at first, leading to my decision to just pump exclusively. Dun dun duhhhhhhh. You will never know the horror of the words "pumping exclusively" until you have to do it yourself. 

For some reason if you google "breast pump" you get thousands of pictures of smiling moms with pumps attached to their boobs. Like this one...

The people who take these photos have obviously never pumped a day in their life. How could you ever enjoy feeling like a cow, with the LOUDEST machine ever, sucking milk out of your boobs. You have to stop everything you are doing and hope the baby is asleep or in a good enough mood to entertain themselves for 20 minutes. Those hands free bras don't work well enough and you literally have to sit there and hold the pumps with both hands, so you cannot do anything else. You can barely hear the TV above the annoying 'REEE ROOO REEE ROOO" sound it makes and pray no one knocks on your door.

One of D's friends decided to come over one day right when I started pumping. Scariest thing ever. I ripped off those utter suckers and ran to the bathroom, mortified. Of course forgetting to turn the pump off so when I came out of hiding 10 minutes later, he laughed and said sorry for interrupting my pump session. And now he calls every time before he comes over to make sure I'm not pumping. I. Die.

The first 2 weeks of pumping I had to "establish a milk supply" which basically means never leaving the house, crying every time the pump turns on, and having to pump every TWO HOURS. Thats 12 times a day, being stuck to a machine for 15 minutes each time, leaving TONS of bottles to be washed. That also means sleeping in less than two hour shifts. Sound shitty enough yet?
I cried so many times a day, telling my husband I couldn't do this and I wanted to switch to formula. He kept reminding me how important it was that Mila gets breastmilk for as long as possible and when I wanted to give up, I kept going for her. DON'T EVER TELL YOUR HUSBAND ALL THE BENEFITS OF BREASTMILK. He will become so set on it, and sometimes make you feel like crap if you want to switch to formula. Women have miracle boobs I tell you. 
This face also helps motivate me...a little...okay a lot.


I now pump every 5 hours. I am VERY lucky in that I have a great milk supply and can space pumping out so much. It helps getting a break in between pumping, because I can leave the house for longer now and sleep for longer. Of course Mila likes to wake me up every 2-3 hours at night still so yay for babies tiny bellies. (insert sarcasm here) 

I have set a goal to pump for her first 6 months of life then switch to homeade baby food and formula. We are going home for Christmas and I want to be pump free by then. I have also been freezing a few ounces everyday so when we get back home she will have another months supply of breastmilk I can put into her formula. 

The point of this post? To remind myself how awesome I am for keeping this up. I never though I'd make it 3 weeks and I am almost to 4 months. And to let all new moms know to keep trying to breastfeed as much as possible. Pumping SUCKS. But if you are forced to pump like I am, feel free to message me with any questions because I can write a book now on storing and pumping, and all that good stuff. The end. 


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